Semiotics or Semiliterate

I have been watching the ITN news tonight; generally I'm a BBC chap, so the sensational nature of things on the 3rd channel has again struck me. This brings me to my two points for tonight.

The first is the use of language. I have a confession. My job relates to language and even when I am not at work I find it fascinating. WHAT A SAD MAN - I hear you chant. Well the truth is language is wonderful.
When I was at Uni I remember a lecture about the interaction between the sign and signifier the relationship between language and the thing it represents. It was fascinating and a bit over my head. But thinking about the nature of thought and the way that language links to it.

When is a tree not a tree - when it is the though of a tree.

Also the inter connection of words, 'I say "tree" you have an image in your head of a tree, but you also link - subconsciously - to all the other times you have read and heard tree' You create a list of interpretations of the words you hear into ideas and concepts.

So watching the news is a form of literary study. You interpret what you hear, which for ITN means the use of language which, like much semi tabloid journalism, seeks to present or argues from a perspective of moral panic. There are no real stories I want to explore it is just the nature of language.

Second was one of the stories on the Scottish section. It contained my main fear. It was a sad story of a teenager who was killed at an unmanned level crossing. It is not death, which scares me, it is level crossings. They are just not right. I am terrified to cross them. I start to hyperventilate when I approach them. I drive well out of my way to avoid them. There is no personal basis for this fear but whenever I see something on the news or in dramas with trains and cars and level crossings I sweat.

So that brings me to my question?

What are your fears. Please let me know. Engage in a cathartic experience. Rid yourself of the weight of fear.

Blog overload

I recently had a discussion held almost entirely through e-mail. It involved 6 people and was at times complex and wide ranging. The subject matter is unimportant but the learning curve does have a resonance. The problem with the written word is that no matter how well you punctuate and no matter how carefully you choose your words there is always a problem with how it sounds in your head compared with how it sounds in someone else’s head.

The up shot of all of this was that the perceptions of the communication became confused and people misread what was going on.

Ok so what is your point caller? May be what you are asking

Well it is just the way that instant communication media works, or sometimes doesn't. These are problems that Jane Austen never had to deal with.

This brings me back to a question I asked last night. What is Spirituality?

I am not convinced that I answered it in any way on my last blog.

In someway it is about definition. Is it a state of being or something imputed? Or is it a fundamental part of the human psyche, perhaps it isn't real but is just about a feeling that is conditioned in us. I don't know if I fully agree with Pascal's god shape void, but I am still convinced that there is a need within us that seeks for a bigger picture, a meta-narrative.

In a blog - ages ago - I suggested that language is transient, something as an English teacher I see too frequently and with the language used to describe the meta-physical we have the added problem that we are trying to put into words concepts that are perhaps beyond language. This creates an issue verbally, and given the advantage of tone that the voice can give, and more so in written communication.

What does this all lead us to? Well only that I have an idea of what I want to say but as I say it I committee it to a permanence fixed nature which does not reflect that fluidity of thought.

Or

I talk shite frequently... but it's not my fault... you just don't understand me! v

In the eye of the beholder? Or the lyrics of Noddy Holder?

OK
Having read the response to my return to the blog thang I re -read and revised. That is the danger of blogging at 12am. However I have asked myself a number of questions.

1. What switches do I have?

2. Are they all working?

3. Do I need them?

4. Are any of them automatic, if so, do they have a manual override?

5. What is the nature of spirituality?

We had friends visit today with their dug. We all went for a walk and this identified some of my switches. Like getting cross with my 8 year old because he never listens and constantly behaves like an 8 year old! People who treat their dog like a child. People who treat their child like a dog. These all push my buttons. I can have a very short fuse, I am volatile and can at times - when tired say - be extremely irrational. Having waxed in the last blog about feeling spiritual today (sunday) I do not. I have spent the day painting and I am knackered, not a restful weekend. I don't know if it is an age thing or just us but time is moving too fast and we seem to be way too busy. There doesn't seem to be an end in sight to all of this and it is another button or switch which needs flicked.

I am sure that the switched I have are all working given my lack of balance in my reactions sometimes.

I doubt that I need the, and I suspect that the manual override is fucked.

I mentioned being or feeling self actualised yesterday. I use to have a boss who suggested that the layers between the states in the triangle were made of tissue paper and that we could fall through them very easily.

Sometimes all it takes is a word.

I think I berated a friend for his reaction to sanctimonious words from a nice but narrow minded person. He was right the comment was small and lacked both insight and understanding. It was arrogance trying to sound like grace. His response was correct.

Perhaps true spirituality is a recognition that things are 'broken' and that rather than mend them we must live with the brokenness, and embrace it.

That said, worse things happen at sea.

Here's Johnny - and he's at the top of Maslow's Triangle

I have been away for a very long time and now thanks to my muse - the Tumchie Muncher - I am back.
TM has explored some deep and personal things on his blog recently, see the link http://tumchie.journalspace.com

So my blog reflects our conversations and my thoughts on the blog, though this starts earlier with a conversation I had with a friend - peace protester - about starting a self help group for those who leave church. We decided it should be called evangelicals anonymous.

You could imagine the meeting... "My name is Bob and I'm an evangelical"

"Hi Bob" the group retort.

The point we discussed was the negative effect the church can have balanced with the positive impact that individual christians do have. She worked for the church in the US working in a ghetto. And that is the issue with evangelicalism, when you come up against the wider world, the real world you have to re-evaluate what you think. I had this discussion with an evangelical recently and that accused me of being arrogant, saying that I was acting like my experience (and that of my friend) was better that theirs. Nothing could be further from the truth, they had experienced as much of the world as I had, the difference was in our interpretation of the experience. For them it was about offering solutions, for me it was about seeking answers, or at least asking the questions.

In the old testament book of psalms there are several psalms written in the midst of trouble and disaster, these are wonderful because they let me see that I am not alone, but they also point to the messiness of life and the lack of clear answers that exist. There is no simple solution to the question of "Why?". The church, as an institution wants rules and hope and clarity. God does not always give that.

TM was right when he pointed out that the damage that churches can do and the way it shapes who we are. But for me at the moment, and this could be a passing feeling, I need to remember that

a. I am in my 40's so I need to get over it and stop looking at my belly buttons.
b. When you escape from a cult you have to have scars, so these will fade and heal, just stop touching them (my mother's advice on cuts and that likes). So probing my hurt may not be a good idea (oh er missus)
c. Yes we are the product of the shit that life throws at us but we are adults now, even if the people who try to guilt us or blame us aren't. Worse things happened to our parents (or Grandparents) generation, they were bombed for fucksake, or shot, or put in trenches. So some religious fuck heads were mean to us and said bad things... I just need to get over it.

I like this quote from Warren Zevon (of Werewolves of London fame) from his song 'My Shit's fucked up' here is the abridged form.

That amazing grace
Sort of passed you by
You wake up every day
And you start to cry
Yeah, you want to die
But you just can't quit
Let me break it on down:
It's the fucked up shit

All I have gained since leaving the church 7 years ago I don't want to lose, but recently we (me and family) have started going again. My fear was always that the church is/can be an evil vicious cult, who will manipulate and brutalise those who don't fit in with the club that it is cultic in all of its approach - here I am pointing to the right wing fundi penti types. Those who it deals with, it subjugates through power and intimidation. It says it will only welcome you on its' terms but then you have to deny who you are or they will - through the penti equivalent of Papal bull - send you to hell. The problem for the church is that when you realise they have little real power you are back in control. I can go now because I don't have to believe any thing that any others do. They can kick me out but it is really unlikely that they will ban me. I am neither interested in nor would I accept any form of leadership. So given that is the carrot they have nothing to offer, other than fellowship and that is what Church is about. Note how for the first time I have used the capital C. That is the difference and that, Church, is something that no-one can exclude you from because it is there every time I meet my friends, people like TM.

In my chat to TM I reckoned that really all we lacked when we were in the church was perspective, I know this is over simplistic but..., it is the thing we have gained since we left, unless we are talking technology, and perhaps the feeling of being comfortable with who were are.

Ok it is a transient feeling but a passing feeling of being self actualised is better than none.

And for now I'll settle for that.

The club that is church cannot be allowed to take away our feeling of being comfortable with who God has made us.

Being!