Old Fucker

Ok...

So I'm getting old.

I know it but does it have to be this fucking annoying?

So my life is ok, nice wife, lovely kids, good house, comfortable life, all good...but

Well like all people of my age, nearly 40, I am aware of the lack of achieved potential.

Don't get me wrong, I have achieved more than my teachers at school told me I would, but for me it is in a different area to the one I was heading for initially.
The truth is I though I would be 'making a difference' in a church, or outreach project like a new David Wilkerson, or Billy Graham type. But then life interrupts and changes your direction.

So what has this to do with age. Well its is the way you cope with change. Age does not help. I remember talking to a Church of Scotland minister about 15 years ago. He told me that the problem with the church was not the young or the old but the middle aged. "They are at a time of their life where everything is changing, work, family, society - so they want to control things and stop change and the only place they can do this is church. They resist any change or progress, they are the most conservative' Ok so I no longer go to church, but the rest he is right about. I have grown to fear and hate change, in part it is about control, but in part it is also about mortality. The truth is I have over the past 10 years become more worried about death and this has expressed itself in the fear of change. It is almost as if the changes will all add up to my demise. Ok so it is stupid and I need to get over it but...

That brings me to where I am tonight. Tomorrow at 10.10 I have an interview for a new job, and it is one that I want.

So here is my hope for this year... to grow up... I am hopeful

"I hope, I hope, I hope"

Name that movie

SF